Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
