today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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