I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
