We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
