You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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