Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
