I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
