it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize