we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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