I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
