every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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