My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Randomize
