fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You need a sexual gate keeper
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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