don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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