She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
When did angry sex become our thing?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
