tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
They have beer where we have blood.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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