Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
