ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
