Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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