Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
