"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
