Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
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I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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