No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
