just come out here and I will go home with you...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
