Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
