I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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