...so i touched it.
too bad you live with your parents still
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
