If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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