I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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