Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...