My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
