saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
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some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.