Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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