did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.