What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...