Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
