I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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