is your mom at the bar?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
