She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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