Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
