Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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