you would pick up someone in the library
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
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Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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