..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
