Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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