You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
