problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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