My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
