i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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