Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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