I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
