How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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