I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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