You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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