i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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