I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
