a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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