I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
