and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
