I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
