bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
