Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
