did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
