I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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