she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
