i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
