Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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