there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
