I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
